Australia is my home and will always be my home. I miss driving to the coast, especially Byron Bay with my best friends, listening to music that I rarely listen to with anyone else. I miss the feeling of the ocean on a hot summer’s day and lying on my towel while squelching sand between my toes. Australia still remains to me the most beautiful country in the world. New York is exactly where I want to be, but I miss the distinct free spirit that fills me when I am in nature.
I have been way too fucking distracted with boys this year. It’s been fun, but I have given a little too much of my time to certain boys... For example, see that red beret in that photo. It was my favourite item of clothing, my favourite signature item and as a joke, I swapped hats with this guy so I got his whale cap and he got my bloody favourite beret. "We'll exchange when I see you next!".......... I haven't seen him since. Life lesson learnt.
Finding comfort in something can be both a blessing and a curse and that is something I have learnt. I have found comfort in creation, whether it is photography or writing or learning a new instrument. Though, I have found comfort in habits and people, which is something that can happen without you even knowing. These habits for me include, going out and drinking too much, eating very poorly and more significantly, giving 110% to people who only give back 50% when they feel like it – being nice to the wrong people. In saying this, I have found immense pleasure in the discomfort of meeting new people, trying new things and diving in head first to situations that I have benefitted from. When I think of comfort, I immediately think about my bed, but when I really think about it, it’s so much more dangerous and so much more invigorating.
I often listen to Vienna by Billy Joel because it continues to give me the best pieces of advice every time I listen to it. “Dream on but don’t imagine they’ll all come true” is something that really resonates with me because since I've moved to New York, I’ve found it difficult to not have high expectations of how I want the rest of my life to turn out… But… that only makes me disappointed when I am at a road bump. I’ve learnt that expectations kills spontaneity and spontaneity is where the most fun happens!
I’d be fucking dead and gone without them. I cannot stress enough how important having a close group of people who you can trust entirely is. The feeling of being surrounded by such loving individuals who inspire me is something that I am so grateful for. I have made so many mistakes in the company of my best friends and the next day, we have laughed and laughed about it. Without the laughter, I could easily cry in a ball and down in the misery of these "bad" decisions, but I think it's important to laugh about these things while we are still growing up and figuring shit out. My friends are the most special element of my life.
Being a girl is fucking rad and the older I get, the more I am willing to embrace that. I’ve discovered so many inspirational female artists and I’ve met very powerful women that have influenced how I see myself. I refuse to grow up in a world where I feel less than a man because women can do anything and we will do anything. I’ve just read the Women edition of Musée Magazine, where it only features female-identifying photographers and let me tell you, there is some really, really good work out there being done by these artists that I had never heard of before reading this magazine. I’m going to make a post about these artists soon.
I can taste the black nail polish in between my teeth from chewing my nails so much. I probably won't see you again, but I could have sworn I walked past you the other day.
I’ve always been a pretty independent person, but the amount of freedom that I have from being in a different country means that I can fall flat on my face and there is no one to hold my hand. This is probably my biggest life lesson. I have discovered what it feels like to fall and pick myself up, both literally and figuratively. I have discovered how I can make laughter fly out of my body after feeling terribly low all by myself. Ultimately, I have opened up my awareness to myself and take full responsibility for my actions. For this, I am proud to call myself an independent woman.
Nah I'm kidding!
In our life, it is so fucking easy to see someone looking a certain way or owning a certain thing and feel jealous the moment you see this. I love the Internet, but for this reason alone, it sucks. I wish I could say that I am not a jealous person, but to be honest, I can get very jealous, very quickly. I know this stems from insecurity and it’s something that I’m working on. What I’ve been doing lately is writing down a few things that I am grateful for and when I do this, I realise that all of the things that I thought I was jealous of, really don’t matter to me at all. When you are happy with the way your smile sits on your face and the people that help you do this so effortlessly, jealousy is just a tiny hurdle that you can jump over… Even if you are short like me!
Though I am halfway to living like a proper adult, I am really just a kid. I am not at all ashamed of this; in fact, I love the notion of just being a kid. Having fun is just about the most important thing to me and I think this stems from how much fun I had with my older brothers as a kid. My fondest memories as a child are of me in a park with my brothers going down hills on cardboard, kicking the soccer ball around and making weird (dangerous) moving vehicles out of rope, skateboards and cardboard boxes. I aspire to live with this amount of freedom everyday. I look up to people older than myself and for that I like to hang out with them. I find it funny because I only go out with boys older than me and sometimes I will cop the, “I remember when I was your age” crap and I just laugh because usually we will be sitting at a bar but the only thing distinguishing us apart is the fact that he’s legally allowed to be there. Other than that, we are both two kids wanting to have fun, are we not?
Anyone who really knows me will know that I am the biggest fucking sucker for love and romance that you will ever meet. Of course, I do a lovely job at pretending that I’m not. Love is so important to me and I’m not even talking about love between two partners, I’m talking about love within the household with my roommates, love between my best friends and I, love for what I do, love for my interests etc. etc. Love can be so simple! For example, I recently went to see The Dig at the Music Hall of Williamsburg. I bought two tickets, but on the night, it turned out that no one could go with me, so I thought okay fuck it, I’m going to go by myself for the first time. When I got there, I got myself a few Downeast’s and danced the fucking night away. I discovered a pure happiness going to this concert alone and want to do it more in the future. This also made myself appreciate who I am and feel genuine love for who I am. Spending time alone is crucial for self-love.
I have ample respect for musicians because I honestly believe music is what makes the world go around. I am the least musically talented person one might meet, however, I can’t go a few hours without listening to music. My all time favorite songs:
Just Like Heaven by The Cure
Under Control by The Strokes
Little Red Corvette by Prince
American Girl by Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers
Heroes by David Bowie
One Way Or Another by Bondie
Lovefool by The Cardigans
Sweet Jane by The Velvet Underground
Glory by Television
Have you ever met one of those people who leave you feeling absolutely naked. I have been left naked as well, but that's not what I mean. I mean, those people who help you to open up a part of yourself that has been under the surface waiting to come out and when it does, it's beautiful and you feel beautiful. The kind of person who makes your whole body smile. The kind of person who leaves you feeling naked, but not in the scary kind of way, I mean the kind of way that you can literally look at yourself in the mirror naked and feel amazing. I have.
When a woman has sex with a man, oxytocin is the key hormone released by women and not men. Biologically, we are primitively programmed this way as it increases our levels of empathy because it lowers our defenses. Though, the problem is that our body does not recognize the relationship between you and this man, so whether or not this man is a fling or a husband, the chemical is still released. This is only something that I have recently learnt and it’s really interesting because it makes so much sense to me! Oxytosin is just a feeling. This explains so much…
P-Z is on the way.